with a thankful heart

I've been feeling overwhelmingly thankful during this season of Thanksgiving. 

I always feel thankful this time of year, but something is different this year. 

I used to always say I was thankful for family, our home, our marriage, our kids...yadda yadda, the basics in life. {which I am still thankful for}

However, this year I am thankful for the things I fear.

Let me explain.

This past year has definitely been one of the hardest, most challenging years we have experienced. 1 year ago we still had our newborn baby in the nicu. That was a very hard thing, and you can read more about me reminiscing on that time here. So this year, I am thankful we went through having a nicu baby. I used to fear the thought of having a baby be admitted to the hospital. I know that I appreciate having healthy children even more now than I did last year. That experience taught me so much! This year Thanksgiving falls on the same day we brought Grayson home from the hospital exactly 1 year ago. What a great day it will be this year to celebrate having him home with us!

This year has also been one of Wesley's busiest years since starting medical school. He has worked with a different doctor each month since he started last fall. He has a new schedule every 4 weeks, and a new location to work. This has been exhausting. Not just for him, but for me emotionally. He had to work on Mother's Day and Halloween. Clearly they are not super important holidays, but not having him there for little celebrations is always tough. He has worked out of state for 2 and a half months total in the past 4 months. He has been so busy that I sometimes feel like a single Mom. I simply adore my husband. I would be with him all day, every day if I could. That is not an option, obviously, but if it was, I would have it that way! After this year, I have learned to be thankful! Thankful that we made it through. I cried when I learned he would be working out of state for almost 3 months. I was heart broken. I was scared to be home alone with the boys. I was afraid I would miss him so badly that it would hurt. I was afraid I wouldn't do a good job. I hate sleeping alone, and I have only been apart from him for 4 nights total in 5 years. Yet, I was so thankful. I was thankful for what Wes was doing to better his chances for a great job someday, and for him to be accepted into a good residency program. I am thankful that the time apart has made us appreciate and value our time together so much more. I have fallen more in love with Wes during our time apart. I realize how much we are one. When he is gone I don't feel like myself. We are definitely a union and need each other in this life that God has given us. 

One last thing I am thankful for is that we have to move. Yes, I am thankful for that. I am also terrified. I am a homebody, I love my family {who lives 5 minutes from me}, and I have never lived out of my little 4 mile radius. But I am thankful. I am thankful that we have the opportunity to experience life in a new place. We will join a new church, make new friends, live in a new home, have new neighbors, and make new memories. I have been praying like crazy that the Lord will send me an amazing friend where ever we go. I am surrounded by such great friends here at home, but when we move, I know that I have to make new friends. I am very outgoing, and making friends isn't hard for me. But I want to make a great friend. A best friend. {to my closest friends: I am not replacing you! Promise!} I want a friend who will love me and my family, challenge me in my faith, laugh with me, and someone who will be there for me when I need "family" since mine will be far away. It might sound silly, but I have been praying for this friend for a while now. I can't wait to see how the Lord works in our lives next summer as we pack up and move. 

What are you thankful for? Are you thankful for the things in your life that you were afraid of? I am so thankful that our life has been a whirlwind this year and I know the year ahead will be just as busy. But this is the life we have been given, and I will rejoice and be glad in it!