Merry Christmas

I've decided to take a break from blogging, facebook, and Instagram until the New Year. I want to soak up this precious time with my family. Wesley has some time off which is rare, and I want to be in the moment with him and our boys. 

I want to wish all of you a blessed Christmas!

See you in 2013.

Lately....

Our lives have been very busy lately, and we love it. Camden is growing and changing like crazy, Wesley is busy as ever, and I am now a stay at home Mom! The Lord has been blessing us in ways we never knew possible lately, and in situations where we could have felt abandoned and alone, and yet He is there. It started back in early December. My daily struggle was going to work. I love my work, and my Dad (who is my boss), but those things did not outweigh my desire to be home with Camden, raising him and teaching him the things that only a mom can do. Wesley and I prayed for direction and we knew that if the Lord wanted me to stay home with Camden, then we would know. He would provide and create a way for us to do that.

We had been praying for the Lord's will for us for a few months. In December, as the holidays were quickly approaching, my desire to be with Camden was overwhelming and I knew that work was becoming a burden in my life. Then, during our sales meeting one morning at work, my Dad let all of us employees know that due to a decrease in sales, he would have to cut back on peoples hours or let someone go so that he could reduce overhead. He said he would let us decide if any of us would like to change our hours, or move on if we were ready for something else. I felt like this was the direction we were looking for, and I felt it was almost my responsibility to choose to be the one to leave. I know that might sound crazy, but I knew that all the other employees needed their jobs to provide for their families. I would have felt horrible if I kept my job that I struggled going to each day, while someone else had to be let go unexpectedly.

So we stepped out in faith, not really knowing what we would do. My Dad wrote me a letter saying that I was being let go, and that was a hard thing to comprehend. I have worked for my Dad since I was 15, and everyone there is like family. Wesley and I know that we were doing the right thing, but it was still a hard decision.

Ever since I left work, our lives have been busy, fun, and we have been overwhelmingly blessed. We definitely know that this was the right decision, and we have seen how the Lord is working in our lives each day and we know that when we follow his plan, and trust him, he will provide. We have seen that now more than when we had more a few years ago while Wes and I were both working.

So now I stay home with Camden, enjoy my days with him, and spend a lot of time with my other Mom friends. I don't know what I would do without the friendships I have in my life. I am not only blessed with a great family, husband, and baby, but I have the best friends in the world, and they make my life better! I am so thankful to be a young Mom and to have friends who are the same age going through the same daily stuggles that I deal with.

In other news, right now I am finishing the plans for Camden's first birthday! We already sent out invites and we can not wait to celebrate our son with family and friends.

Thanks again for reading, and I will keep you posted on my new stay at home life :)

My struggles

Life can be hard in so many different ways. Doesn't it always seem like you are the only one who is struggling? It seems like everyone around you is living a fairytale life while you sit back and feel sorry for yourself?

That is how I have felt lately. I have been a grouch deep inside and my heart has not been in the right place. I am struggling. I always feel sorry for myself because I have to work, or because I didn't get enough sleep, or because my Dad is dealing with health issues, or because I never see my husband because he is always studying (or because I have had 3 periods this month, ah hem).  Whatever it is, I am not handling it well. I feel like I have just hit my limit.


Like a said in a previous post, this stage of our life is just that, a stage. We are going through a hard season, and I know we will make it through, but that doesn't change the emotions I am feeling right now. I knew when I married my sweet husband that we were in for the long haul when it came to his schooling. We knew it would take up all his time, put us into huge debt, and that I would have to work all through his time in school. We also knew that we didn't want to wait 6 years before having kids, and we knew it would be tough, but in the end we would be so glad we had them when we did. Well knowing all these things is one thing, but living in the middle of it is way harder than I expected. I miss my husband, I miss our alone time, I miss falling asleep together since he is studying, I miss hanging out with all of our friends because our weekends consist of more studying, and I miss his attention. I am not saying we never get to do any of those things, it is just more rare.

My heart also desires more than anything to be a stay at home mom. I can't even explain how much I adore our son. I am not one of those mom's who needs to get away on a daily basis (maybe a once a week basis), and I actually hate leaving each morning to go to work. Once I am at work I usually focus on what I am doing and I handle myself pretty good while I am away, but as soon as I get in the car to drive home I feel like I can't get there fast enough! I miss my boy when I am gone and I wish I could spend every day with him. Again, this is a season in our lives, and eventually I will get to stay home with our kids, but that doesn't change the here and now, which is hard.

We also are so ready for more babies. Another struggle for us right now. We know it won't get any easier having another baby right now, but we also have to think in the long run. In 2 and a half years Wes will be done with school and we will love to have our kids grow up very close in age. So is it worth it to have them close together now, which will be hard, but will also be exactly what we hope for in the future when they grow up close in age?

I know that everything I am holding onto I need to let go of and give to God. I know that when I try to hold on to all of these things that bog me down it just makes life even harder. I know that God is my strength and I need to allow him to take the reins. I also know that when I feel like I am hurting the most it is because I have not been spending enough time with him. I want to renew my faith in Him and grow closer to Him even when I am hurting and struggling with life. I also want to trust him with our lives, and stop feeling like I have to make every decision on my own. I just NEED Him...how can anyone live life without the love of Christ? It is the only thing that gives me hope.

So do any of you ever feel like this? I would love to hear the stories of hurt and hope in your life. We serve an awesome God, and it is so amazing to hear stories of how he has touched our lives.

Dedicated

 

Last Sunday was Camden's baby dedication. It was such an honor to be able to stand up in front of our church body with our families and commit to lead and grow Camden in a christian home and to one day share with him the love of Christ. We had "Uncle" Caleb (aka Pastor Caleb) do his dedication. Caleb and his wife Lori are some of our best friends and we were so excited that he was the one to pray over us. He loves Camden and it fills our hearts with joy to see someone love on our son the way he does.

Camden did great when we were up on stage. I think he enjoyed all there was to look at. He did sneeze in Caleb's mic during the prayer, but it gave everyone a chuckle, so that was fun!

We had a lunch celebration with friends and family afterward. Camden's Nana put out such a delicious spread. I have been really bad at taking pictures lately, so I am sorry to say I have none from our lunch, but I promise we did have a great time though, just trust me, it was fun!

The Word

Last night in our young families small group, we talked about reading our Bible. Normally when I am faced with the question, do you read your Bible, I am very convicted of not actually reading my Bible. However last night was different. For the first time in a long time, when asked that question, my answer was Yes! Yes, I have been reading my Bible! It felt really good to be able to say that I have actually been in the Word a lot lately. In our group time last night we discussed the importance of reading our Bibles, especially with your spouse and children. Camden is still quite young to be reading the Bible with us, but even though he is young, we still find it very important for us to be in the Word because it will set an example for him, and we want him to grow up with the image of his parents reading the Bible and praying. A while back, Wesley and I decided together that we were not making the most of our time, and we were not spending enough time reading the Bible. Sure, we pray together every night, but that is not enough. God wants us to learn, and he gave us the Bible as a way for us to do that. So we found a reading plan in the back of Wes' Bible and we started at the beginning. It is a plan that will have us read the entire Bible in a year. I have always wanted to read the entire Bible, but honestly, I find so much in there to be hard to read and it can get boring. But with a reading plan, and reading it together with my husband, I am enjoying it so much more. I love reading stories that I grew up reading and knowing. It is way more fun to read them as an adult, I feel like I can learn so much more from then now. We have been reading for a month now, and we are really enjoying it. If we miss a day, we catch up the next day. Hopefully we can stay on track and not get distracted, especially when Wes starts back to school and our lives get busy again.

We desperately want to be an example to our children. We want them to grow up in a family that loves God, says our prayers together, and reads God's word together. We want them to learn at a young age how much the Lord loves them and how He wants them to accept Him as their Lord and Savior. Wes and I were both saved at a young age, and it is our desire to instill wisdom in our kids so that they too can make the decision to follow Christ. We are so blessed to have the support of each other and the same wishes and desires for our family. We are so excited for the many adventures to come with our family, and the many lessons to be taught and learned.

How do you spend time in the Word? Do you make it a priority? What are ways that you can make time with God your priority?

A new kind of love

Hello everyone!! My blog has really been boring lately, I really have had no motivation to write anything, and I am sort of disappointing myself. I really enjoy my blog and I am not sure why I have put it so far at the bottom of my to do list. I think I enjoy new and fresh things and my blog is not new and fresh. I started it when we found out we were pregnant, so the majority of my blog was about pregnancy, then C was born and it became all about him, and now I am just not sure what else to write about. I figured I needed a change. I was bored with the name and bored in general with the direction of my blog. I know how much people love to follow our blog and the stories of our family, so I am still going to keep it about our family, but I am revamping a little bit. I am sure you have already noticed the different title and the change in format. I am thinking about also renaming the url, I just have to think of how to do it. Anewkindoflove and newkindoflove are already taken, so it is back to the idea board.

Ok, so I am sure you may be wondering what "A new kind of love" means...I am so glad you asked!! For those of you who are married, when you first started dating your husband you probably felt that sappy kind of love, the kind that is fun and gives you butterflies. You just feel like he is the greatest and you could not love anyone more. Well then you marry that man, and you discover that you love him in a completely different way. It is no longer just happy and fun love, but real intimate love for the person that you were meant for. You realize that you will do just about anything for that person, because you love and adore them so much. But, believe it or not, that love is conditional. I know that is not an easy thing to think about, but it is. If your husband were to leave you for another woman, you would not stay with him and love him with all of your heart, that would be crazy, and that is a condition of your love. God's love for us on the other hand is unconditional. He loves us no matter what we do. We can sin, we can cheat, we can lie, we can doubt, we can hate, but no matter what we do He still loves us as His children. How crazy is that? No conditions? That is the greatest love of all, and something that only God can give. 
So what is a new kind of love? For me it is the love you feel when you have your first child. A love so deep that you think it is impossible to love anything or anyone more. As a human there is no way to completely understand how to love unconditionally the way that God loves us, but I believe that when you hold your baby for the first time you can finally understand, as best as we can as people, what real unconditional love is. When you first see your baby you think there is nothing in the entire world that he or she could do for you to love them any less. Of course they may disappoint you, they may disobey you or even not appreciate you, but that does not mean that you are going to love them any less. That is your child, and you love them in a way that only you can.

For me, a new kind of love is the love I feel for our son. I can not even put into words the love I have for him. I told Wesley the other day that I love our boy so much that I feel like I can never get enough of him. I can't stare at him enough, kiss him enough, or snuggle him enough. I love him with what I feel is unconditional love, no matter what he does, I still love him the same. So that is why I wanted to name our blog A new kind of love. This is a new chapter in our lives. We are raising our son, and loving him with the love that the Lord has put in our hearts for him. We want to glorify God through being his parents, and be the best example that we can. We want to show him God's love in how we love each other and how we love him.

What do you think of a new kind of love? I would love to hear your feedback!

Rejoicing in our sufferings!

Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.


A long blog ahead, but please read to the end!

If any of you know my family, you may know that we have been going through some difficult things throughout the last 3 years. Although these things have been hard on each and every one of us, we know that the Lord is on His throne, and He is in control of each situation we have gone through. I wanted to list out each thing I can think of, because I am still amazed we are all still standing and that we still trust the Lord with our entire hearts. Please don't read this and feel sorry for us, we are not asking for any sympathy. We are praising God for his promises and the hope that He gives. We are also rejoicing for the lessons we have learned after experiencing so much.

Ever since the night Wes and I got married, my family has been dealing with "things" non stop. To start off...my Grandma had a heart attack the night of our wedding, after our wedding reception. She is from California, but after barely surviving this heart attack, she has lived in Arizona ever since in an assisted living type home. A few months later, my sister was hospitalized for 17 days because of surgery after a gall bladder infection. Not long after, my dad was hospitalized also for a gall bladder infection and needed surgery. And surprisingly enough, my mom and my older sister had to have their gall bladders taken out as well all within a span of about 2 years. My grandparents (not the one with the heart attack) both have dementia and slowly were deteriorating so my mom had to make the tough decision to place them in an assisted living home. My dad's step father passed away after also having dementia. While all of this is going on, my dad's company was slowly going downhill due to the slowing economy. My parents built their "dream" home and as soon as it was time to close on the home, they became a little afraid because our company was continuing to loose money. My dad's company finally came to the point where we were facing bankruptcy...literally about 24 hours away from closing our doors, and we were saved by the bank in the final hours. After that, my parents finally had to make the tough decision to short sale their dream home back to their bank and move into my grandparents home (the ones who moved into assisted living.)

All of these things have been pretty hard for our family. I am sure there are much worse things that many of you may be going though or have gone through. I am hoping that in writing these things down, my family and I will be able to see the stuff we went through, and see the end result as such a blessing. Although things were not how we planned, we can now look back and see that the Lord's plan is so much greater than we could have imagined. For example...Having my grandma now living in Arizona has helped her to grow closer to her kids who already live here. My mom having to place her parents in assisted living came at the perfect time for my family, because they were able to move into their empty home and have a place to stay after short selling their own home. My parents moving out of their dream home meant that instead of being a half hour away from Wes and I, they are now 2 miles away...just in time for when I became pregnant! Now she can be at my door step in 4 minutes if we need her. My dad's company stayed afloat through the roughest 2 years my dad has ever gone through since being a business owner...we are now holding out at a steady rate and we are starting to increase in sales for the first time in 2 years.

Praise the Lord!

We are so thankful for our family and the support we have been given by our church family and our friends that we call our family. But it seems we are not out of the woods yet, and the Lord is still challenging us with our faith. On Friday evening my mom got a call from a bike store where my dad was picking up his bike that was being worked on. They said that he had been waiting for his bike, and when he went to stand up out of his chair he had a hard time getting up, and then when he did stand up he lost his balance and fell over. He had a hard time talking after that, and couldn't even give them the correct # to call my mom. When they did get a hold of her, my mom immediately rushed over, picked him up and rushed him to the hospital. (a similar event had happened a week ago.) Obviously our minds began to think the worse, did he have a stroke or seizure, could he have a brain tumor or cancer, is his heart ok?? We had so many questions and we were waiting for answers. When they arrived at the hospital, the staff went to work very quickly. They drew blood, ordered a CT scan, did an EKG, and starting looking for those answers. We all let out a sigh of relief when we heard his heart is great, blood work is perfect, and nothing showed up on the CT scan. The problem is that something was still wrong and we have to figure it out!

After many other tests, we have found out that he has low cerebral spinal fluid, which has caused his brain to sit about an inch and a half lower than it should, putting pressure on his brain stem against the base of his skull. This is why he has been dealing with many headaches, confusion, loss of balance, and difficulty explaining himself. It is messing with his nerves. As of right now he is still in the hospital on strict bed rest, flat on his back...with no answer as to why this has happened, or exactly how we can improve what is happening. He is seeing the best neurosurgeon in the state, so we are hopeful that we will get answers soon. We do know it is non life threatening, which was our greatest fear when we heard what happened.

So now we are putting our faith and trust in the same God who has brought us through so many other struggles, which gave us perseverence, so we know we can handle one more hurdle in this temporary home we have been given here on earth. It is hard, and we hate to see my dad, someone who we love so much, go through anything difficult, but we have learned that by going through hard times, it will only give us more hope and more trust in our Lord. And that is what we are doing now...we are praying and also rejoicing in the Lord and we know that He has a plan that is greater than our own.

We would appreciate your prayers but we also want you to rejoice with us in surviving 3 difficult years. We have so much to be thankful for, and so many blessings that we have also received...for example, our sweet Camden!

Thank you for reading my long blog, and please feel free to leave any comments, I would love to hear how you are rejoicing in your sufferings!

Child of God

As we were worshiping in church yesterday I was overcome with so much emotion. I became so overjoyed with the miracle that is growing inside of me. I couldn't help but wonder if our little baby could hear us worship. I am pretty sure his/her ears are not yet to the stage of being able to hear, but I still was imagining. I was just picturing our little one hearing us as we sang in worship to God. I began to tear up thinking about just how much the Lord has blessed us, and how honored we are that He has entrusted us with one of His own. It is our job to train up this this child in the way he should go, so when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6) I can't wait for the day that Wesley and I can sit down with our child and teach him/her about God's unconditional love. It is such a privilege to have a baby of our own. It is our prayer that our baby not only grows healthy and strong over the next 6 and a half months, but also that one day this baby will grow up to honor and serve God with his/her life.
I have such incredible memories of my own parents teaching me about Christ. I remember clearly when my dad was putting me to bed one night and he prayed with me to accept Christ into my heart. A few years later my dad was the one who baptized me. I pray that we will have this same opportunity with our own children.
I think this post is a little jumbled, I just wanted to try and share how I was feeling yesterday as I was singing in worship to our Creator. It is hard to put into words the feeling that came over me. Christ was tugging at my heart and I felt his arms wrap around me and let me know that this baby is His, and that he trusts Wesley and I with this child. I had to stop singing for a minute and just be still and let my tears well up in my eyes. It is so awesome, and I become more and more excited with each new day.


Love and blessings,

a dearly loved Child of God