Grayson {1 YEAR OLD}

1 year ago today Wes and I were blessed with Grayson. Our second born, red headed son with crystal blue eyes. 

He entered this world very quickly. All I had dreamed about my entire pregnancy was holding him. I craved his tiny little body, his newborn smell, and his curled up legs all tucked in against my chest. 

As soon as he was born, I held him. My life felt perfect in that moment. He was here, he was crying, he was mine. 

Then, as he was carefully examined by the nurses, they noticed he was having some difficulty breathing. Everyone hoped it would soon pass and he would be breathing great and back where he belonged...in my arms. But that didn't happen. He stayed with us for 2 hours after he was born, then he was taken away to the NICU to be monitored. 

I was tired and weak and needed sleep. I slept while Wes spent the evening with our sweet baby Gray. The next morning I expected him to be breathing on his own and that I would be allowed to hold and nurse him. 

That didn't happen. He was a little fighter and he so badly wanted to get better on his own, but he just couldn't. 

Over the next few days our world felt as though it was turned upside down. We had a perfect pregnancy, a textbook labor, and a big 7 lb, 12 oz, full term son. How could he not be home with us right now?

It was later determined that his lungs were immature, they could not inflate on their own, and we did nothing wrong to cause this to happen. 

He was intubated, sedated, developed a pneumo {air in his chest cavity}, and had to have a chest tube put in. 

The sweet baby bliss that I had dreamt about was now replaced with blinking, beeping monitors, no snuggles, a breast pump instead of a baby, and long hours just staring at this sweet baby that I so badly wanted to get to know. 

After days and nights filled with tears, prayers, and hope for our son, he came home.

 11 days later to be exact. The day before Thanksgiving. 

Those 11 days were the hardest days of our lives. We knew he would heal, we knew he would come home with us, we knew life would continue on just as the Lord has promised. Yet, the fear of not knowing how and when was so difficult. 

We never take for granted the fact that Grayson is now a beautiful, thriving, 1 year old. We know we are blessed. The NICU is filled with many sick babies, and not all of them go home with their parents. Our son did, and we know that God has an amazing plan for his life. 

How can it be that a year ago today our lives changed? We didn't know how much it would change, but today, we are thankful. Thankful for the hospital staff who brought us comfort and cared for our son, thankful for our family who stood by us through the hardest 11 days we could have imagined, thankful for friends who continually prayed for healing, thankful for our marriage that was made stronger through this season, thankful for the way the Lord made us feel closest to him as we cried out for his healing. 

Today we are blessed. We are so stinkin' in love with Grayson we can't stand it. He is so full of joy! He loves to give smiles, he loves giving kisses, he loves his big brother, he is busy, hysterical, determined, and gentle.

We are so excited to be starting another year with Grayson. We have so many dreams for our boys. We love to watch them grow up, we love to see them learn, and we love to see them becoming each others best friend.

This past year flew by so quickly, and it really is hard to comprehend all that Grayson has done. He went from newborn to infant, infant to baby, and baby to toddler in literally 2 seconds. How can they grow as fast as they do in 1 year? He was born with no teeth, and now has 8 teeth +1 molar. He had no hair, now he has a full head of hair that blows in the wind. He needed us for every thing, and now he is very independent. He couldn't talk, and now he can form a few little baby words. He was immobile, now he is VERY mobile. He used to nurse all day, now he just nurses to sleep.

The best thing about a 1 year old is that they still have a few baby qualities about them. This makes a Mama so happy to still have a glimpse of a baby in her arms. He still loves to nurse and be rocked to sleep. He still needs/wants Mama when he is hurt or sad. He can't walk yet, so he still crawls all around. He still needs his paci for sleeping. And he is still in diapers. All of these things make him still seem like a baby, even if he is turning into a toddler so quickly these days.

Grayson, we are so beyond thankful for you, our sweet boy. You have made our lives so exciting and full of joy this past year. We love your laugh, your smiles, your personality, your love for everyone you meet, and just who are you. We can't wait to see you grow up and start to walk and talk someday. You are the most incredible son, and we are so blessed the Lord made us your parents.

We pray for many many more birthdays with you. We love you.

Happy Birthday Gray Gray!!