Bittersweet New Beginnings

As I have been on bedrest for nearly 2 weeks now, I haven't really been myself.

I'm normally a go getter, clean freak, shopping pro, play date going, party hosting, socializing kind of person.

But not lately.

I stay in my pajamas all day, let the messes be, let my son pick out his clothes, haven't had any friends around, and haven't cooked a meal in ages. 

I'm enjoying it!

You see, I am currently a Mom to one adorable little boy. But in a few days, or even weeks (only the Lord knows) I am going to become a Mom to 2 adorable boys.

This time in our lives is very bittersweet. I want to enjoy every little second I have left with Camden as our only child. I want to soak up all the snuggles I can with him, enjoy giving him my undivided attention, and spend as much time with Wes and Cam before we expand to a family of 4. 

I have had a few nights of tears, not because I am sad, but because one chapter in our life is ending, and a very exciting new one is beginning. 

I know I felt this way before Camden came into our lives. I knew that my marriage would never be the same. I knew that Wes and I were no longer the focus, and we had to take on new roles as a Mom and Dad. Our new worries were not going to be about what we wanted to do for fun on the weekends, it would be about our new little bundle and if he was fed, clothed, loved, and adored.

We have a similar transition to make by adding another sweet child to our family. It is no longer all about Camden and fulfilling his every need whenever he has it. We have to share our attention, share our focus, yet still love and adore both of our children at the same time. I know we can do it, I am not doubting our abilities, just realizing the reality.

I have 2 more days of bed rest, then I am free to go about my normal life. However, I don't know if very much is going to change. I still plan on laying low (mostly because I am too big to do much anyway), I plan on spending a lot of time with my boy, and I don't want to fret about the small things. 

I do miss my old self, and I miss being able to run around all day doing things, seeing friends and enjoying the world around me. But for now, my life is at home, with my family. 

I am sooo very excited to meet our sweet baby Grayson, and I can not wait to hold him in my arms. I know Wes is excited to meet his second son, and of course he dreams about the days when he can take his boys hunting and fishing. Camden still has no idea what it means when we tell him we are bringing a baby home soon, but we know he is sweet, gentle, and compassionate, and we are thrilled to see him take on his new role as big brother.

As for me, I am going to be on the couch for a few more days, and then Wes and I plan on doing some special outings with just Camden. We want to make him feel loved and adored by his parents, and we want to prepare him as best we can for the new addition that will be in our family very soon.